


We could have had it all

by alittlehurricane



Category: Game of Thrones RPF
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy, S8 Alternate Ending, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 05:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19203304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlehurricane/pseuds/alittlehurricane
Summary: In the first possible ending, Daenerys got pregnant during the trip to Westeros and that changed her outcome. As they read the scene in which she spoke to Missandei about missing her courses, Emilia squealed, Lena patted her shoulder and Nathalie screamed from the other side, "BOATBABY!"Kit had no idea what that meant, but he watched Milly with a smile on his face until she looked at him and patted her stomach."You better get a job, Jon Snow, 'cause I'm going on maternity leave."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These pictures kept popping up on Twitter of Emilia looking pregnant as she filmed Season 8. I don't know if they're all manips and I don't really care, but I kept imagining what if they shot an alternate ending where Daenarys was pregnant and the image of Emilia with a fake baby bump messed up Kit's head.
> 
> Well, this is it.
> 
> Just a warning: English is not my first language, so if I made any mistakes, feel free to point them out.

He hadn't been feeling well since the first table read where they presented two alternative endings to the series. It was actually coming to an end, the best, craziest and sometimes worst times of his life. He wasn't ready for it and he definitely wasn't ready for what the producers had in mind.

In the first possible ending, Daenerys got pregnant during the trip to Westeros and that changed her outcome. As they read the scene in which she spoke to Missandei about missing her courses, Emilia squealed, Lena patted her shoulder and Nathalie screamed from the other side, "BOATBABY!"

Kit had no idea what that meant, but he watched Milly with a smile on his face until she looked at him and patted her stomach.

"You better get a job, Jon Snow, 'cause I'm going on maternity leave."

Everyone laughed and they returned to the reading, seeing how the pregnancy made Daenerys think about the world where she wanted to raise her child and it was not in the middle of the Game of Thrones. She would defeat Cersei and return to the Free Cities to give her daughter the childhood she never had. Westeros would be ruled by a council of Lords and Common folk equally, as per Sam's idea.

For a show which did the Red Wedding, this sounded far too happy and Kit was suspicious. This was definitely a spoof ending.

The second ending had Missandei being killed and Emilia looked at Nathalie with tears in her eyes. That would drive Daenerys to madness, killing thousands in the King's Landing. As they reached the scene where Jon stabbed Daenerys, Kit had tears in his eyes and Emilia was looking at him with a look that said "We're fucked."

He didn't even notice Sophie smirking at him, he was too busy crying with frustration at how this show ruined his favorite characters.

\---------------

 

It was a couple of months later, in the wee hours of the morning when he got a text from her just as he was getting up.

_I have a surprise for you today._

She had probably been awake for two hours already, going to the set early to put on her wig. How she could manage to be cheerful at this hour was beyond him.

He showered and took the second van to the set. They were shooting her arrival at Winterfell today and Emilia was probably excited about the horses. Ever since she actually learned how to ride one, she'd been excited to prove to the crew she wouldn't fall off the animal anymore. It was cute.

When he arrived on set, changed and holding two cups of coffee, she was actually standing to the side having her make up retouched already. Her hair was protected from the cold and she was wearing a white fur dress and when he turned around, he could see she had a small baby bump.

She hurried to him with a huge smile on her face and pointed to her belly saying, "Look! We made it!"

She was laughing now, her eyes disappeared entirely and he was... enchanted. He had never seen her look lovelier. Years later and her beauty still struck him as if it were their first meeting. She took one of the cups from his hand and sipped.

"I- You look... pregnant!"

"Turns out all that unprotected sex on the boat got me knocked up."

He was immediately taken back to that day, a closed set, Emilia under him in nothing but a cup and how natural it felt, even after all that time. He could still remember her body, her sounds, her look. Everything he once had and he ruined, as he always did.

He looked kind of sad, Emilia noticed, so she tried to make him smile. "Don't worry, I won't sue for child support."

"Good, because I kind of gave up my kingdom for you. Not sure what I am anymore. Just a bastard again?"

"I think you're more like the royal bed warmer. I could probably give up a pension, if you want."

As they were laughing, the crew started calling everyone to order as they would start to shoot.

\----------------

Even after a long day, he couldn't sleep that night. He kept remembering how it felt as he helped Emilia off her horse, caressing her stomach as she smiled at him. He'd always had a longing for a family. A child he could raise to be better than him. And seeing Emilia look like that, a woman he'd loved almost since the day they met, whom he had held and kissed and made plans with until he ruined everything. Yet she showed him true love, staying by his side, remaining as his friend, rooting for him.

At the end of the shooting, he remembered Emilia had asked, "Do you think the baby will look more like me or like you?"

He could just picture a little girl who looked exactly like her. "Maybe she'll have darker hair, it's a stronger trait. But they'd definitely find a little girl with your eyes."

She had been smiling and he watched it fade. She made her excuses and went to the make up chair to remove her wig. As they got to the hotel, she claimed she was tired and went to her room, while some of the crew remained talking.

Filming was always the worst time for him. It's almost like all the time apart made him forget he had a girlfriend at home waiting for him. He was immersed in a world where it was him and Emilia together all the time and the piece of his heart which would always belong to her took over. He wondered if she still felt anything for him, if he would still have a chance, if things were different.

He picked up his phone, opened the chat with her and wrote:

_I still love you. After all this time._

He'd never send the message, of course. But writing it was almost a relief.


	2. We're in sync

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the reason why this fic started was because stormbornbxtch on Twitter posted a few pictures of Emilia with a baby bump and one of them was the scene at Dragonstone, after Missandei died. I couldn't find the picture, but I will add it here if I do.

She was worried about him. This season was taking its toll on everyone, what with the long night shootings and people saying goodbye to their characters, some of them in awful ways. Just yesterday, she had to shoot two scenes that were so stressful, she actually cried afterwards.

In one scene, Daenerys was pregnant and feeling lost at Dragonstone. Everything she had worked towards, the Iron Throne, restoring the heritage of her family, taking what she'd heard Viserys say all the time was theirs by right, it all felt meaningless now. She had been so used to thinking of the dragon as the only children she'd ever have that now, faced with the reality of bringing another life into the world, she wasn't sure if the throne was worth everything she's already lost - her parents, her brothers, her childhood, Ser Jorah, Missandei. 

In the second version of the scene, she had just lost her best friend, discovered her lover betrayed her and one of her advisers was trying to poison her. Tapping into all that emotion was painful and it felt like she couldn't put it aside after the scene was finished.

Kit found her hiding between some clothes and held her as she cried. After she calmed down, he asked her what was wrong.

"They are going to hate me."

"Hate you? They couldn't possibly. Everyone adores you, Milly. You're our Khaleesi." He smiled, but it didn't really reach his eyes. "I, on the other hand... I'm not sure I can do it."

"What?"

"First you're pregnant, then I have to kill you, it's-"

"Too much, right?" She held his hand and offered him a sad smile.

He nods and their eyes speak silently. This man, who has been her best friend during this insane path they took, who understands her better than anyone sometimes and can be so blind.  _I love you. I'm here._

"I'm tired, Milly. I don't know what I'm going to do when it's over."

"Have you-have you thought about getting help? Did you talk with your therapist?"

"No, I've been putting it off. Don't know why, really."

They're interrupted by someone from the make up team calling for Emilia to remove her wig. She holds his hand tight before letting it go. They'll talk later.

\------------------------

He is drunk by the time she arrives at his room later that night. She had taken the time to take a bath and he had taken to the whiskey, clearly.

"Hi, Kitten."

He smiles lazily, raising his left arm in invitation. She sits there, getting comfy and basking in his smell. At least he took a shower before drinking.

They don't say anything, each one lost in their own musing. She is thinking they should talk, that he can't just drink his problems away. He's trying not to think, that's the point of drinking. He's just enjoying her presence.

"How is Rose?"

"You probably know more than I do. Haven't talked much lately. I've been stressed and you know she doesn't like it when I'm short with her."

He doesn't mention that he hasn't been thinking much about his wife lately.

Her answer is interrupted by her phone vibrating.

"Hi, Mum, how are you?" She gets up and starts walking around the room.

"I'm fine, just hanging out with Kitten."

"Tell her I said 'hi'," he shouts and she laughs into the phone.

"She heard you. She's telling you to visit, it's been too long without your pretty face." She's laughing and blushing now, a hand half covering her huge smile.

"Yeah, Mum, well, I'd marry him if he wasn't taken."

He is now staring at her as she walks to the balcony. He hadn't noticed before, but she's wearing sweatpants that hug her ass and a t-shirt that looks suspiciously like his. The sight stirs something in his heart and in his pants.

_Would she actually have him if he wasn't married? What would have happened if they had stayed together?_

His mind was quick with providing the answer - no wedding, that's too traditional for her, but waking up to her terrible singing in the morning while she cooks, Christmas at her parents' and New Year at some party where they'd kiss shamelessly in front of everyone, watching her belly swell one day with a life they created, panicking, crying and laughing. He'd have everything with her. He fell asleep to those images.

\------------------------

It's almost two years later when he talks about this to someone else for the first time. He is in a retreat in Connecticut, trying to deal with his monsters before they take over him and she is coming to visit. The day before she arrives, he tells his therapist everything. How they got together in the beginning of filming, how he messed things up between them, how she is his best friend and everything he wants and can never have.

"Why don't you let yourself have nice things?" The therapist had said once more.

That's the question ringing in his mind when he sees her after months. She's wearing sunglasses, a long dress with a jacket and although she offers him a huge smile, she also looks worried. They hug for a long time and he feels better after that hug than after three hours of therapy.

"You look good, Kitten," she says as soon as they find a nice and secluded place outside.

"I always look good." He throws his non-existent long hair over his shoulder and she laughs. He missed that sound.

"How are you, really? Are you liking it here? Do they serve dessert every day?"

"I'm feeling better, Milly, I promise. Just another week and I'll be released. This was a good choice. Thank you for annoying me until I said yes."

She hugs him again, not knowing what to say to that.

"Have you spoken to Rose lately?" He's embarrassed to ask this, she can tell.

"Yeah, we're going to have coffee next week. Didn't she come here?" She's frowning, not understanding why he's looking away.

"Um, she didn't."

"Oh, I'm sure she's busy. She was going to a-a thing when we last spoke. Have you called her?"

"I did, I did. She doesn't always pick up, but I think it's the time zones." He doesn't mention that Emilia picked up every single one of his calls ever since he's been here.

"I'm sure. Now, where do they hide the tea here?"

Emilia leaves the facility feeling relieved. He looks happier and healthier, explaining to her how his therapist taught him little tricks to deal with the anxiety and stress. Yet, she's also worried. Why isn't Rose the one visiting and supporting him?

\------------------------

She gets her answer a week later and she can't believe what she's hearing. They're walking around town and Rose has been venting for 15 minutes.

"I'm just not sure if I can do it anymore, Em. He's not the man I married. Before he left, we were like strangers in the house, sort of avoiding each other. He doesn't talk to me about his problems like he talks to you and it's hard to help him when I don't know what's going on."

"You know how Kit is, he needs to go through some things on his own. Give him time."

"I don't know. This has been a long time coming. I mean, I'm young, I want to enjoy my life. I don't want to look back and fell like I wasted the best years of my life living someone else's problems."

Emilia didn't have an answer. She wasn't very romantic by any stretch of the word, she doesn't even know if she believes in marriage, but she always thought that being with someone was about sharing the good and the ugly. Kit had visited her almost every day in the hospital. Even when she was drugged or asleep. Her mom said he was always calling when she was in New York. Even when she thought she would die and she didn't accept visitors, he always called. He was always there. She couldn't believe he ended up with someone so selfish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not his dream coming true yet, because I thought it would be too easy to just jump to the part where they are happy and everything is going great. They need to go through this, so don't hate me.


	3. Daydreaming

These days, life seems so good that it's hard to believe there was a time that his life seemed upside down. It wasn't easy getting where he was, specially in the public eye. But if he had to go through everything again to get where he is... well, maybe he'd get here faster.

Today, he wakes up to her sounds. He is still not a morning person, not by any stretch of the imagination. Mornings are a bit easier waking up by her side almost all the time, but his morning ritual usually consists of pulling her closer and throwing his arm and leg over her, trying to sleep a bit more. He can't always have her by his side, so he enjoys every second he can.

She isn't in bed anymore, she's probably down in the kitchen making whatever she's craving today and he decides that it is worth waking up earlier just for her. He gets up, puts on some sweatpants and goes to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. His hair is getting a bit longer again, maybe it's time he cut it.

In the kitchen, Billie Holliday is singing "The Man I Love" and he leans on the wall to hear her sing along.

 _He'll look at me and smile_  
I'll understand  
Then in a little while  
He'll take my hand  
And though it seems absurd  
I know we both won't say a word

She's holding the spoon as a mic and swaying her hips, stopping every few seconds to stir the eggs. He approaches and she smiles as she mouths the words to him.

_He'll build a little home_   
_That's meant for two_   
_From which I'll never roam_   
_Who would, would you_   
_And so all else above_   
_I'm dreaming of the man I love_

He is watching the way her pink silk cami is stretching over her belly and he holds her with both hands, moving with her and smiling. He softly kisses her neck. "Morning, babe."

She turns around, eyes disappearing with her smile and he thinks she has never been more beautiful. "Did I wake you?"

"No. Did she wake you?" He looks at their baby growing inside her. A six month baby girl that he still can't believe he'll get to hold someday soon. He remembers seeing a little girl on set for the last season of Thrones, dark hair and eyes as big and as blue as Emilia's. That's how he imagines their daughter will look like and he still has the dragon hair pin he stole from the set that day, dreaming about a future that he wasn't sure he'd have. And it's here now.

"Yeah, kicking up a storm, I think she was starving. I woke up and it felt like I hadn't eaten in days."

He laughs, knowing she woke up like that way before the pregnancy.

He gets down to his knees and kisses her belly. "Hey, be nice to mommy. She's going to house you for another 10 weeks."

"And don't you forget it, missy." She touches his hair and pulls him up for a quick kiss. "I love you, you know?"

She goes back to the eggs and he starts setting plates on the table they have in the kitchen. "I know." He doesn't need to say it. Every single day since they've gotten back together, even when they were apart for work and before they lived together, he has been trying to show her he feels like the luckiest man alive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love them so much. I hope they are both happy, wherever life takes them.

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not write a second chapter, I'm not sure. But thank you for reading.


End file.
